"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable."
"Having children is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up."
"There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one."
"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing."
"Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories."
"Children are a great comfort to us in our old age, and they help us reach it faster too."
"Parenting is 50% feeling like your head is about to explode and 50% wanting to cry because they look so cute when they're sleeping."
"I love my kids. But if they don't stop making that noise, I'm going to lose my mind."
"The value of a marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults."