The Roofer
Can I tell you a joke about a roof?
No, it's over your head!
No, it's over your head!
The Elevator Operator
I used to be an elevator operator...
It had its ups and downs.
It had its ups and downs.
The Electrician
Why are electricians always up to date?
Because they stay current!
Because they stay current!
The Carpenter
I told my carpenter I wanted a door that opened both ways.
He said, "I'll see what I can hinge on."
He said, "I'll see what I can hinge on."
The Plumber
Why did the plumber fall asleep on the job?
Because the work was too draining!
Because the work was too draining!
The Scaffolder
My friend is a scaffolder...
He's always looking for a boost.
He's always looking for a boost.
The Architect
What do you call a person who designs skyscrapers?
An archi-tect!
An archi-tect!
The Bricklayer
Why did the bricklayer quit?
Because he felt like he was just another brick in the wall.
Because he felt like he was just another brick in the wall.
The Painter
Why was the painter so good at his job?
He had a brush with greatness!
He had a brush with greatness!
The Welder
I'm a welder...
I find my work very attaching.
I find my work very attaching.
The Surgeon
What do you call a surgeon who likes to tell jokes?
A cut-up!
A cut-up!
The Optometrist
Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into his lens grinder?
He made a spectacle of himself!
He made a spectacle of himself!
The Dentist
What time was the dentist's appointment?
Tooth-hurty!
Tooth-hurty!
The Podiatrist
Why did the podiatrist win the race?
Because he knew the "sole" of the sport!
Because he knew the "sole" of the sport!
The Pharmacist
Why did the pharmacist walk on his tiptoes?
He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
The Dermatologist
My dermatologist is great...
He really gets under my skin.
He really gets under my skin.
The Veterinarian
Why did the dog go to the vet?
Because he was having a "ruff" day!
Because he was having a "ruff" day!
The Orthodontist
Why did the orthodontist get a medal?
For his brace-ery!
For his brace-ery!
The Psychiatrist
What do you call a psychiatrist for cows?
A "shrink" wrap!
A "shrink" wrap!
The Radiologist
What is a radiologist's favorite drink?
X-ray-ted soda!
X-ray-ted soda!
The Software Developer
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25!
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25!
The Web Designer
Why did the web designer get kicked out of the library?
Because he kept shouting "Site-ation!"
Because he kept shouting "Site-ation!"
The Photographer
I'm a photographer...
I'm just waiting to see how things develop.
I'm just waiting to see how things develop.
The Artist
Why was the artist so sketchy?
Because he was always drawing conclusions!
Because he was always drawing conclusions!
The Musician
Why was the musician arrested?
Because he got in treble!
Because he got in treble!
The Writer
Why do writers always feel cold?
Because they are surrounded by drafts!
Because they are surrounded by drafts!
The Data Analyst
What do you call a data analyst who likes to dance?
An algo-rhythm!
An algo-rhythm!
The IT Guy
Why did the IT guy cross the road?
To get to the other "cloud"!
To get to the other "cloud"!
The Social Media Manager
Why did the social media manager quit?
Because she couldn't handle the "status" quo.
Because she couldn't handle the "status" quo.
The Video Editor
I'm a video editor...
I really know how to make the final cut.
I really know how to make the final cut.
The Baker
I'm a baker...
I'm always on a roll!
I'm always on a roll!
The Chef
What do you call a chef who is also a lawyer?
Sue-chef!
Sue-chef!
The Waiter
What did the waiter say to the customer who complained about the fly in his soup?
"Don't worry, the spider on the bread will get him!"
"Don't worry, the spider on the bread will get him!"
The Butcher
I'm a butcher...
It's a "meaty" profession.
It's a "meaty" profession.
The Barista
What do you call a sad barista?
A depresso maker.
A depresso maker.
The Librarian
Why was the librarian so good at soccer?
Because she knew how to use her "volumes"!
Because she knew how to use her "volumes"!
The Mailman
My dad was a mailman...
He really delivered!
He really delivered!
The Banker
Why did the banker quit her job?
Because she lost interest.
Because she lost interest.
The Janitor
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"Supplies!"
"Supplies!"
The Zookeeper
Why did the zookeeper get fired?
He was too "wild" for the job.
He was too "wild" for the job.
The Pilot
Why did the pilot get grounded?
Because he had a "plane" attitude!
Because he had a "plane" attitude!
The Astronaut
What's an astronaut's favorite part of the computer?
The Space bar!
The Space bar!
The Archaeologist
Why are archaeologists always so happy?
Because their career is in ruins!
Because their career is in ruins!
The Historian
Why did the historian go to the doctor?
He had a case of the "past"!
He had a case of the "past"!
The Geography Teacher
Where do geography teachers go on vacation?
Anywhere they can find a "map-le" tree!
Anywhere they can find a "map-le" tree!
The Gym Coach
Why did the gym coach go to the bank?
To get his "quarters" back!
To get his "quarters" back!
The Detective
Why was the detective so good at his job?
He always "clued" in!
He always "clued" in!
The Judge
Why did the judge go to the dentist?
To get his "gavel" checked!
To get his "gavel" checked!
The Lifeguard
What do you call a lifeguard who can't swim?
A "buoy"!
A "buoy"!
The Tax Collector
Why did the tax collector go to the doctor?
He had a "return" of the flu!
He had a "return" of the flu!
